Feature 10-25-10

PPSS Special Feature...

Dark Delights is a new feature that takes our Pervs to the darkside of erotic fic. The most deviant Pervs of the pack have lined up quite a selection of fics for you to explore, if you're brave enough. Strap yourself in, take a deep breath and don't forget your safe word.

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Jeanne's Pick

Breaking the Girl by swill122
Leah/Felix, AU, o/s. Warning: Blood, BDSM, Edge Play.
This one shot was written to answer to a prompt that I left in the . It was my hope to just get a little smutty fun with one of my top non-canon pairings. Swill122 blew all my expectations out of the water, and she set my pants on fire.

It’s only fair to warn that this is not a story for the faint of heart. This delightfully dark one shot is an AU that follows Leah’s journey to Volterra, after volunteering to be a “guest.” She finds herself in the shadowy world of the Volturi, and in the sights of Felix. The story centers on their interactions and budding relationship. These two do a delicious dance of flirtatious banter and violent play that can walk the line for some readers. It’s a balancing act that Swill122 pulls off with the unparalleled grace of a trapeze artist. I found myself squirming with goosebumps covering my arms, and aching for more.

Put on your big girl pants, and lock yourself in a room. It’s time to play dirty with Leah and Felix. You’ll like it, I promise, maybe a little too much. Don’t worry, I won’t judge you. ;)

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Chele's Picks

Deceptive Little Flower by LoreliD
Jane, Pre-canon, o/s

It really doesn’t get any darker than canon Jane, and few write her as well as LoreliD. Deceptive Little Flower is sinister and dark and perfect. Jane has tired of having her meals delivered and seeks out the seductive scent of a beautiful young man to satisfy her thirst, both for blood and for pleasure. When she finds her prey, the only question is whether she will sate her erotic desires before the compulsion to drink cuts her fun short.

Being in Jane’s head is wicked. Her sense of entitlement is so insidious that I don’t even want her to feel remorse for her prey, which is good, because she certainly isn’t going to. The scene is set perfectly, every word loads down the senses with intensity. The hints of Jane’s relationship with Aro are subtle and tantalizing, causing my mind to compulsively go places it didn’t want to.
LoreliD has a special gift to write a tale that makes me want the villain to win, and this little erotic story of hunter and prey is a perfect example.


Edgeplay by DirtyBrat
Bella/Edward, AH, WIP/2 chapters. Warning: SERIOUS FUCKING BDSM,

Sometimes darkness is about perception, a deep desire of the mind. Edgeplay is an extremely intense, and beautifully crafted exploration of a couple’s journey into BDSM play. This is not your mom’s cute, kinky sex story (if it is, I want to meet her). Bella and Edward are practiced participants and take part in some serious play.
DirtyBrat takes care to insert the subtle realities of being in the moment during a scene, noting the wanderings of the mind, the hesitations, and the skills that Bella employs to push through them to reach the pinnacle.

Edgeplay is exactly as it’s title suggests, and the players involved are satisfying their cravings for experiences which push the boundaries of their own comfort zones, taking them to the absolute heights of erotic ecstasy. No doubt it will drag the rest of us along with them.

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Miss Kitty's Picks

Okies, now I’m the first to admit that I’m an HEA, sunshine and rainbows kitteh...however, this kitteh has a dark side. I do enjoy a good dark and twisty tale.


Red Heart by PhoenixRising25
Edward/Bella, AH. Warning: Bloodplay

One of my personal little kinks is that I absolutely LOVE to read about blood play. I don’t know what it is, but especially in the vamp world is seriously turns my crank. This one shot is from PhoenixRising25 called Red Heart. It takes place in the vamp on vamp world where Bella has a pint of her human blood saved just before she is changed. She meets Edward in the meadow and they get to gettin’ with the bloody sexy times. Ohhh yeah! I think it’s the intimacy of the blood play that I love and the primal aspect of it. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a bit of a freak like that, but I can live with that.


Something Wicked This Way Comes by lilly9999
Edward, AU, OOC

My second rec is something particularly dark and twisty one shot by lilly9999 called Something Wicked This Way Comes. This is an Edward that grabs me by the short hairs and makes me all wonky in my brain. It follows the same vein as the Twilight story, but with a decidedly more dark twist to it. I don’t want to give too much away, but suffice it to say that Edward gets taught the proper way to love by Tanya and thus uses his new found skill to overcome his thirst for human blood...until he meets Bella that is. Okay, that’s all I’m going to say. Trust me, if you like a little dark and twisty, you will LOVE!

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Emmy's Picks

I know I am probs the weirdest WP ever. But I love a darkward... So sue me... ;) I love the Edward who is desperate to drink from his singer. Who sometimes doesn’t even try to stop himself from taking what is his - other times he fights it to the death (often quite literally). Yes my recc’s fall in the rough domain of being WP safe. But there is deffo a bit more bite to these tales than you would find in the Team WussPerv recc’s...

Up Side Down by BettiGefecht
Edward/Bella, AU, O/S

Ok. Although Edward is the vamp in this story - Bella is to me the dark character in this tasty wee O/S. Edward auditions for a band, and is instantly taken by the vulnerable lead singer Bella. He is consumed by her and joins the band with his own agenda. Not knowing that Bella might have her own. Interesting and although not technically a DarkWard - its got a great edge...


This Mortal Coil by Eddie’s Cherry
Edward/Bella, AU, o/s, ANGST Warning: NOT WUSSPERV SAFE

If we are talking DarkWard we MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST talk this fic. BUT WUSSPERV’S OF THE WORLD BEWARE!!! THIS IS NOT WP SAFE!!! But yes I still read it! Eddie’s Cherry aka Moiz is too fabulous a person and a writer to not read it. If you are broken and are searching for your escape - what can bring you relief? An amazing O/S that hints at the humanity and salvation that lies behind the beast... My fave quote ever from my fave book ever I think works beautifully for this fic:

“The softness of the lover in the beast”

But its up to you to see if the Lover or The Beast win in this Edward...

The Canonical Five by EchoesofTwilight
Carlisle, AU (Dark Vamp), o/s

My final pick is a fabulous and very dark piece featuring dear Big Daddy C aka The Good Doctor - pre twilight.... Sure, sure! He’s a good guy now. All about helping folks and healing the needy etc... But who knows what the feck he was up to when he was newly turned and on the loose in Old London Town..... In fact what if Carlisle was around when bad things were happening on the streets of London. Which side would he be on? Brilliantly written by darling Em. I swear she can write Vamps like no-one else. She also writes the DELISH Innocence is Dripping Red. (A DarkWard Edward with a very special feeding habit) Read The Canonical Five - its a very different Carlisle - one who, to me, is believably portrayed in light of his sudden and severe change, and his extreme and religious family beliefs. Brilliant

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Jen's Picks

Silent Signs by LAli-Cat
Alice/Jasper, AU, o/s

This wonderful o/s takes SM’s basic story of Alice’s time as a human and tweaks it a bit and it really works. Alice is institutionalized and her existence is not what anyone would consider truly living. She has a visitor at night, but the hospital staff believe he’s simply another one of her delusions. Alice can be herself around him--she doesn’t have to hide her visions. The only affection and kindness shown to her comes on the nights of his visits. He also gains something from their visits--sustenance. LAli-Cats description of Alice’s existence is chilling; only the details of her day to day life in the hospital could possibly make what happens at night preferable, even when her days are made harder by the same visits that she lives for.

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These are just a few Dark Delights to warm up your cold Fall nights. If you have dark erotic fics that you’d like to share feel free to leave a comment or tweet us at @PPSSBlog.

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The Naughty Nurse is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Well, I don't know about you, dear readers, but I had so much fun with the last Naughty Nurse post! Some more great questions popped into the mailbox, along with some follow up items to take care of. Welcome to my Naughty Nurse Den of Iniquity!!

I would like to expand on the DP question. Is it wise? How stretched out will you get from either form of DP? And will you end up perpetually "loose" from then on? Will you suffer "porn girl disease" with an unattractive gaping maw?

If you have anal intercourse, are there to expect bowel movement problems or dirty fingers (preparation) or a soiled member, if you don't use condoms? Is licking the anus unhealthy?

Regarding DP: I was hoping you would also address whether it is or is not wise to venture in that area. Can one get TOO stretched out? Therefore losing previous tightness? How bad are the consequences to all forms of DP? Think hot dog in a vacuous tunnel.

OK, first things first here. With DP, or anal intercourse, or even vaginal intercourse, you need to remember one thing: The vagina, and the anus, are both made up of skin that is highly elastic. Vaginas need to stretch to accommodate an 8 lb. baby passing through. Likewise, the anus is responsible for dumping waste, and has to stretch to accommodate that waste. Once the poop is out the chute, it contracts back to normal. Once you have a baby, your vagina gradually shrinks back to its old shape, more or less. Not quite as tight as pre-pregnancy, but still in shape to have great sex for many years to come. In the anus, the sphincter muscle is extremely tight, and it doesn't suddenly lose its shape because you've been having anal sex. If it did, there would be a lot of people running around with fecal incontinence!

So, is DP wise? Really, that's up to you and your partner(s). You don't need to worry about hot dogs in vacuous tunnels, or porn girl disease. Remember the mantra from last week, the DP Trifecta: Lube, preparation, and protection, and you should be fine. Practice good hygiene whenever you are working around the anus. Wash your hands and use condoms or dental dams. If you're really worried about anal cleanliness, you can always use an anal douche, available at most sex shops or online. If you've just had anal sex, your partner should wash his peen before it goes near your vag. It's a little messy, but if you take a few precautions, you can have lots of fun and still be safe.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy's PSA on the medical aspect of Ass to Mouth or Ass to Vag: DO. NOT. DO. IT. PERIOD. The regular bacterial flora that exists within the colon belongs only one place--in your intestines. When you take something like E. coli and put it in a novel environment, like, say, the vagina, it's almost as if you just sent that little bacterium on an all-expenses paid vacation to the Bahamas. The vagina, like the colon, is a moist, dark, warm place. It's an excellent breeding ground for bacteria. An incubator, if you will. Let me say that you do not want to get an messy infection in your vagina from bacteria that typically live in the colon; it isn't a Bahamas vacation for you, should that happen. Likewise, Ass to Mouth can lead to some nasty infections, too. While your mouth is part of the gastrointestinal tract, it isn't used to your intestinal bacteria, either. A good friend of mine, who happens to be gay, has had three incredibly nasty GI tract infections in the last two years because he cannot abide by the rule that Ass to Mouth isn't a good idea. He never listens. *sigh*

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How do I get an orgasm with masturbation by just fingers.

It's actually pretty straightforward. I'm going to assume you know where the clit is (hey--you'd be surprised at how many women DO NOT know!!). If not, Google it, and familiarize yourself with your lady bits' anatomy. All you really need is some good lubrication, some stimulation, and presto! You're jilling off!

A good lube to try is one with lasting power--we mentioned several in last week's post. A good choice is a long-lasting, water-based lube, such as Astroglide, Pjur, KY silk, or Sliquid H2O. Go ahead and lube up your clit, but also your labia/lips (the lower lips, that is...). Assume any position that is comfortable for you--on your back, on all fours, standing up... it's your choice. Try several different options to see what is the most comfortable. Maybe you want to read smut/porn on the computer; try sitting in a chair. Really, the sky is the limit here, and the most important thing is to go with what feels right for you.

As for the actual stimulation itself, again, go with what feels natural and exciting. Some women prefer to use all of their fingers, rubbing them over the clitoral area. Some use only one, like the index or middle finger. Some women prefer to slide a few fingers into their vagina while they stimulate their clit with the other hand. You can also pinch the clit between your index finger and thumb if you want a little more intensity. I have a friend who uses a nipple clamp to twist on her nipple with one hand while stimulating her clit with the other hand. The bottom line is that there is genuinely no incorrect way to do this, unless of course you miss the clit altogether!

To ensure you get the "O" you seek, you simply need to keep stimulating your clit long enough to induce an orgasm. Once again, each woman's reaction to clitoral stimulation can be incredibly varied. Some come easily, others take a while. If you feel like it is taking you too long, consider adding things to the mix. As I mentioned before, you can read erotica while stimulating your clitoris, or look at erotic pictures or videos. In general, the more turned on you are when you start clitoral stimulation, the more quickly you will come.

For more information, there is a great website that deals specifically with masturbation and techniques (male and female, and VERY NSFW). Check it out: Advanced Masterbation.com

Happy masturbating!! It's a great stress reliever, and as Woody Allen once said, "Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!"

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What's the word on douching? My mother swears by it, but most others in my age bracket (23-28) say it's no longer done. What's the reason behind douching, and is it really that important?

I'm SO glad you asked that question! The bottom line, and I cannot emphasize this enough, DO. NOT. DOUCHE. Vaginas maintain a very controlled pH balance all on their own, which keeps them healthy and happy. Douching completely disrupt this natural balance, paving the way for things like yeast and bacterial infections, or worse, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Seriously, if you want to mess with a pussy's mojo, douching is a great way to accomplish this.

Another really interesting and special thing vaginas do is vary their pH balance throughout your monthly cycle. For instance, when you are ready to have your period, your vagina's pH is at its most acidic. Hormone levels are responsible for the changes in pH. When you ovulate, your pH levels are actually designed to assist the sperm to get where they need to go. Thus, when you douche, you are really messing things up for your poor little cooter. Nature has its own best way to keep your vag in tip top shape.

Historically, advertisers convinced women that vaginas were messy, smelly things, and that if only we would douche, the mess and the smell could be eliminated. WRONG. If you bathe regularly and use good hygiene, your vagina can manage things just fine. Once upon a time, common wisdom held that vaginas were dirty, especially following your period. Giving yourself a douche after your period ended was a way to "sanitize" your lady bits. Again, the only thing that douching post-period does is upsets the vagina's natural pH balance, leaving you open to infection. It's just not a good idea, no matter how ingrained the idea may be in your mother's generation's heads.

Lastly, I hate that this needs to be said, but it does, because urban legends run strong and deep. Douching after sex, with either a regular vinegar/water mix or with Coca-Cola, DOES NOT PREVENT PREGNANCY. There is nothing, NOTHING, about douching that makes sex safer. There is only one hole where Coca-Cola belongs, and that is in your MOUTH. Any questions?

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Here are a couple of follow up comments from last week's readers.

Wonderful to see that you are providing this information [on Pap smear recommendations] but please ladies if you are sexually active you need to have a pap smear. Waiting until you're 21 could lead to disaster. Many countries outside the US follow this recommendation. Look after your body afterall it's the only one you have.

If you are breastfeeding with nipple piercings, be sure that you take the barbells out first, because the ball could loosen and choke your baby while they nurse.

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Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

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The Lemon Report - Fancy finding out what is on the FF bookshelves of the Pervy Girls of the PPSS? The lemon report lets you know our personal favorite updates of the week, and why you should give the fic a try.... It’s a great place to trawl for new recc’s and don’t forget to share your favorite update with us by leaving us a comment.

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Bunny Does NYC

by denverpopcorn

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Chele - I love this one shot like crazy. Edward works in the projection booth in a porn theater in the 70’s, Bella is a fresh innocent lost in the big city. The details are so well-written it’s like I was there. It has one of the most unique and vivid interpretations of the meadow scene I’ve read. The passionate physicality left me panting and hoping it will be continued. I have no idea who this denverpopcorn is, but I immediately put her on author alert after reading this one-shot.

Emmy - This is on my ‘To-do-list’ (alongside sex & another couple of fics! lol! hahahah) As a couple of my delish perv’s have recc’d it to me...

Kitty - What is THIS?! *runs off to add this to my to-be-read list*

Jess - Oh my... this looks like fun!

Jeanne - I love this adorable little one shot like crazy. It's so sweet even though it was set in the seedy underworld of New York City's redlight district. You all know how I feel about Ed/Bella stories, but this one is on my fav fic list. Give it a chance, you won't regret it.

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Beyond Time
by TKegl

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Emmy - I had this author on my alert list for a fic or 2, and I kept getting alerts for this story. But I hadn’t dug into this one before a boring train journey on Saturday... Holy moley. Lots of stolen kisses, trying to be restrained and good because its the turn-of-the-century leads to VERY hot and intense times once they finally “yield” to their love. Woah mama! **fans self** Tkegl wrote these two and their at times chaste courtship beautifully. To the point that scenes which would be decidedly vanilla and mundane to kids & perv’s today read downright dirty... Its wonderful! Certain scenes had me blushing - due to how much you could tell it meant to this B and E. How long they had waited. (E not knowing quite how long B had waited for him...)This story is a ‘Bella ends up back in Edward’s Chicago in 1918 after barely surviving in the months since Edward left her behind and in pieces’ fic. But its intriguing and very well done. Carlisle’s canon character is very well done - especially is his ‘interest’ in Bella. But what I love best is how Bella copes with seeing Edward again, and how Edward with no prior exposure or knowledge of his future love and lust for Bella falls for her. Beautifully done! Oh & if you love this you will also love Only Human In Beyond Time - Chastity & UST = DELISH!

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Pegged
by Subtlepen

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Jeanne - OMG this fic. Fuck! I’m not even sure I can be coherent about how awesome, thoughtful and FUCKING HOT this story is. Seriously, this is the fic for those of you that are scared of slash and kink. Despite what you might think it is Wussperv safe, just trust me. Open your mind, and hearts to this delicious erotic adventure. UNF!

Teal - Subtlepen rocks my fucking world. That is all.

Jen - I fell, and fell hard, for Pegged when Subtlepen first posted it. I was so excited when the alert for a new chapter popped up in my inbox, and I was not disappointed. I’m completely in love with the ‘voice’ Subtlepen has given Bella in the latest chapter. Bella and Edward are grown ups, in a mature relationship, and the realism of this second chapter is gorgeous and inspiring.

Chele - Thank fuck Subtlepen added another chapter to this story or I may never have known it existed. What am amazing job of creating a vivid and perfect scene, then completely pulling the rug out from under me. It was erotic, intense, and uplifting. This newest chapter held a realism I find starkly lacking in most fics that deal with sexual exploration. I love, love, loved it and I will promptly be begging for another dozen chapters.

Emmy - I LOVE Liz! Subtlepen We recc’d her Mind Over Matter back as a Team WP recc. I’ve had her on alert since before then.. She does write some non-WP fics though... But I think most WP’s can handle Pegged.... Its delish AND realistic... Perfect! I cannot wait for her to add more to this slutty but sweet saga! Its a total treat! Enjoy it!

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Raw and Rosy
by Tuesdaymidnight

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Jeanne - OMFG! Tuesdaymidnight is killing me with these two. The sex, emotional depth and EDWARD POV!!! I love how this complicated relationship just keeps going deeper and deeper. I was very flaily when I got to the end of this chapter, but I trust that she will end this story in a way that will make me ache, swoon and want to bear her children, more than I do already. *happy sigh*

Chele - At first, this was a smutty indulgence read for me, but as the story progressed, the characters really developed and I became invested them. It’s a difficult balance to include sexuality in nearly every chapter of a fic and still keep me interested, but this keeps me coming back for more each time. The chapter was no exception. Wickedly hot, and emotionally charged.

Emmy - Yet again this fic is owning my ARSE!! (pun unintended). Gah. I can’t believe we are almost at the end. The emotions revealed by the EPOV in the latest chapter has killed me dead. Again!!! I have a wee kernel of hope for these two boys. But my heart is also pretty feart.... **wobbly bottom lip**

Jess - OMG! Finally! This chapter was freaking phenomenal and EPOV to boot! The ending left me all flaily, warm, and gushy! If you haven’t read this story, get on it... literally, now!

Jen - I’m not ready for this to be over! I might be repeating myself, but the fact that the emotions are what grabbed me the most in this chapter, and not the smut (although it was as delicious as ever), speaks volumes about Tuesdaymidnight’s skill as a writer. I’ve re-read this chapter several times now, and I think the heartclenches are just growing stronger each time.

Kimpy - *Interrupts her private time with Raw and Rosy to comment on the chappie* Oh, dear god in heaven, you KNOW that I’m a h00r for Edward in general, but a R+R EPOV? I still haven’t fully recovered from this one. These boys are so magnetic, charismatic, yummy, and alluring. I just love to sit back and watch the chapter unfold in front of me. It makes me feel incredibly voyeuristic, and I love that. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that my wussperv heart will remain intact when this story ends, but one can never be quite sure. Never mind that Tuesdaymidnight ruined me for the song “With You In My Head,” which ALWAYS reminds me of these two spankalicious bois--every time I hear a slapping noise, I look around to see where Edward and Jasper are. Bitch. I love you something fierce.

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Oceans of Doubt

by Belindella

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Kitty - Our dear sweet little Emmers brought this little nugget to my attention and I am in freaking LOVE! This Edward makes me so happy in my pants I can’t even stand it, he’s surferward that has spent a few years in Australia and has those hot little Aussie sayings that make my toes curl. Bella can’t stand him but I mean really, how long can that really last? It’s only 4 chapters in but make sure you are buckled up for chapter 3, there’s some fingering on the couch that made me squeal like a piglet! GAH! Seriously, GAH-HA-HA-HAHA!

Emmy - I am seriously in love with this fic. The tension is brilliant. Bella is interesting and unusual I think in spirit and situation. I enjoy the characterizations of others - especially this Rosalie, and Edward? Well he is quite the fitty! Amazing UST and some top-notch storytelling. The lemons when they come are going to be juicy! ;)

Jen - My tbr list grows every Tuesday! Who can resist the call of a surfing Edward? Not me! *click--bookmark*

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Just call me Shameless
by OhPenelope5446

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Teal - I found this story on a random fic dive, and it has a lot of waaaaay too convenient run-ins between Edward and Bella, but the dirty wall fucking/doggy style combo in the first chapter has me hoping for more of that Shameless smut.

Emmy - Shameless smut? I’m in! **scarpers off to read**

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Paper CutOuts

by twistedcoincidence and astible13

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Teal - What can I say? I love pregnancy sex. Even though things don’t necessarily turn out as these two expected, I was still happy to see their reunion!

Emmy - Teal?! I am so surprised you are a PCO fan!!! :) This is one of the fics that I adore - even when I want to give the characters a rollicking aka tell the characters off & smack their heads off of each other... The scene stealer in this fic is Edward’s son Finn. He. Is. Adorable... (yup he even trumps, sexy, tatt’d DADDYWARD!) As I have said before - I have a very soft spot for a well done DaddyWard. This one fills all my boxes. Or ticks them.. Whatever! ;)

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Giofogach

by ltlerthqak

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Jess - I have had this story on alert for a long time and am just now finally getting a chance to read it. There are no words for how ltlerthqak paints these characters and scenes in this fic. She has a lovely, visceral, and very visual style that makes me feel like I can “smell” everything there. Bella is a carnie with an enhanced sense of smell and has to struggle with life’s realities and attitudes toward carnies when she meets her fioghra, or one true love, Edward. The chemistry and draw between these two is powerful, I can’t wait to see what it’s like when she finally brings them together.

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Let’s Get Physical
by Lalina

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Jess - Lalina freaking killed me with this chapter! It’s full of self realizations, love, and HAWT wall sex! Sweet heavens... I need a moment!

Jen - Who says you can’t be Team Anything Goes *and* indulge in some sweet, fluffy E/B fic? I love this story hard. It never fails to make me laugh, even in the chapters where it felt like nothing was going right for Bella. Bella is finally getting her much deserved smexytimes on with Personal Trainerward, and the sexing is as delicious and decadent as molten chocolate lava cake.

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Starry Eyed Inside
by Rochelle Allison

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Jess - So, I’m a sucker for high school fics. Ro does an amazing job of crafting a mysterious Edward and a Bella that you’ll actually love. She’s strong and independent, but they are still drawn to each other. The UST and lemons are just... yeah, go read it! You’ll love it!

Emmy - I am still flailing for this fic! Brillo

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Yearbook

by Dance Alice Dance

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Jen - I am really sad that I have no idea who rec’d this to me, because I want to kiss them all over. It’s senior year at Forks High for Edward, Jacob, and the gang. To say Edward and Jake dislike each other is putting it mildly. Throughout the o/s we learn more about Edward and can see that some of the anger he spews at Jake is just a front. What happens when they each sign the other’s yearbook? Go read this sweet o/s and find out!

Chele - This was adorable. While I craved more smut, it was tender and happy slash.

Jeanne - As a Ed/Jake fangirl I nearly exploded when I saw the summary for this fic. I love the relationship, dialog and UST (that kept me on the edge of my seat) in this beautiful, and and all too brief one shot. It is heartwarming, realistic and left me aching to know more about these men. *heartclench*

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Diva Diaries

by KiyaRaven

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Jen - KiyaRaven always brings the sexy smut and snarky laughs. In her newest fic she brings intense passion, UST, and a healthy dose of hatred between Edward and Bella. The story alternates anecdotes from the diary Bella kept in drama school, when she and Edward first met, to present time, where Edward and Bella are in rehearsals for a new Broadway play. KiyaRaven hit this chapter out of the park. The most recent chapter has a passionately angry and hateful argument between Edward and Bella back in drama school. If these are the fireworks they can produce while arguing, what’s going to happen when they do get together romantically? I cannot wait.

Emmy - Ooh! I love this fic! Its so good.The UST could be cut with a knife. I LOVE the complex back story to these two actors and the journey they both went on as young actors in training. Especially inexperienced Bella - I think she finds her education in different ways.... Pure brilliance.

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Breaking News

by WriteOnTime

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Kimpy - I’ve been an avowed WriteOnTime fan for a longer period of time than I’ve been writing, so we are steeped in history. I’ve been remiss at getting started with Breaking News, because I was afraid that nothing could match one of my all-time favorite stories, also by WOT, “The Port Angeles Players.” I needed to start reading some new fic, so I dove into BN this weekend, and OH MY FUCKING GOD!! I don’t know what kind of stick was up my ass, but people, this story is amazing. Incredible. Dramatic. And let me tell you, the Unresolved Sexual Tension? You can put it right up there in the UST Hall of Fame, following Lifetime UST HoF members Agents Scully and Mulder. Oh yes, it is THAT good. I felt like I was discovering a new “Behind Enemy Lines,” it was so intense and delicious. In a twist on canon, Bella is more like canon Edward, and Edward is more like canon Bella, and the result is the sexual chemistry equivalent of TNT. It takes a while for these two to finally do the dirty deed, but it is incredibly satisfying once they finally do. It made ME want to go smoke a cigarette! GO. READ. NOW. PERIOD.

Jen - I love this story. WriteOnTime is amazing. I adore her Edward, even when he’s being an arrogant jerk. Bella is sassy and confident and then fumbling and insecure in equal measures, and you’ll be rooting for her no matter what. As a bonus, this smartly written, well-crafted story has the fandom’s best and most fun Tanya.

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The Training

by Tara_Sue_Me

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Kimpy - I cannot avoid commenting on the last installment of Kalimando’s FGB-commissioned piece for “The Training.” The last of the three chapters posted yesterday, and with it, my heart clenched rather tightly. I’m never ready to say goodbye to these two, and I was especially interested to see how they would handle a week-long, 24/7 Dom/sub relationship. I was very surprised by the way the ending played out, but pleasantly so. It felt right to me, and it allowed us, as readers, to see more of their inner psyche, and their deep, abiding love for one another. So yeah, in a nutshell? My heart melted. Tara Sue Me, you had me at “Hello,” or at least at “Seeing her kneel before me? Wearing only my collar? It's like no other high imaginable.” GAH! Oh, Tara, are you sure you don’t have any other yummy tidbits in that deliciously twisted brain of yours? I *promise* to behave...

Emmy - I echo Kimpy. Gah for the last chapter. Gah for the whole series. Gah. Gah. Gah. (ps Tara - I would LOVE to see these 2 switching scenes again... now Edward is emotionally stable and all that! ;) No need for it to now trigger a Turpentine....

Jess - I’d be remiss if Tara_Sue_Me and it did not disappoint. I have loved watching these two grow individually and in their relationship and look forward to any more random snippits that Tara might throw our way!

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You might have noticed that Emmy’s Foreign Flavour and Lingerie Drawers are no longer in the sidebar. We know how you dirty girls and boys enjoyed these visual treat so we are turning them into an interactive feature instead.

Emmy wants your words. (amongst other things...) Every week Emmy will post a pic or 2 - containing phwoarrrr-worthy blokes from across the seas, some hunks from closer to home and sometimes some dangerously delish knickers and lingerie. What do we want from you in return? Well...... We want you to be inspired by these pics and to leave Emmy a delish drabble or longer story inspired by the pic(s).

Leave your story offering in the comments section and, if you want to, post it to your FF account (pm the link to Emmy at http://www.fanfiction.net/~pippapear) mentioning the PPSS, by the following Wednesday. Each Friday Emmy will reveal her fave (entirely personal & subjective opinions belonging to Emmy) and at the same time post the next pervy picspiration for your pleasure. Non-Canon writers don’t despair - Emmy might be tragically WussPerv©, but there are plenty of equal opportunity pervs in the pack longing to read those if Emmy turp’s out.

Emmy is DYING to see what dirty delights you are going to come up with...

*Please make sure your story offering is in line with our mission statement

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This week the pics I have selected have a “taking it outside” feel... I’ve provided a phwoarrrr worthy European gent who’s getting sand in funny places ;) and some naughty ladies, all dressed up in their finest corsetry - al fresco.

Please use both or either of the piccies to inspire a drabble, a O/S or the start of a WIP... Just please make sure you post a link to it in the comments & pm/email/tweet me the link too! My faves will be revealed next week! Get cracking.... I can’t wait to see what treats you deliver...

Much love Emmy.
x x x <3

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Meet the Pervs

Jeanne aka Einfach Mich has been writing in the fandom for over a year. She
is the resident Pack Perv™ and has a special place in her heart for the
bitch of the pack, Leah Clearwater. Jeanne is never afraid to speak her
mind, and tell you like it is, no matter how unpleasant. She is also the
self proclaimed root of all evil. Her preference for non-canon pairings
(Ed/Leah) is well known, but she also has a soft spot for slash (Ed/Jacob)
and femslash (Bella/Rose).


Teal aka SweetDulcinea/SweetDulci is delighted to join the ranks of the Perv Pack because, well, she's a total h00r. Teal is fairly certain that she's written more pairings than anyone else in the fandom thanks to her wide array of stories, one-shots, and drabbles. She'll do anything for a Klondike bar, and the same goes for some good PBJ. That's Peter/Bella/Jasper, pervlings. Actually, any combination of those three characters gets her motor runnin'. While Teal adores her non-canon pairings, she still appreciates canon, especially fluff. Expect to see her pushing slash, femmeslash, and poly stories whenever possible and "Going Deep" with her wifey Chele.


Gretchen (aka Mouse or gkkstitch) has been involved in a variety of fandoms since 1989. She's written two full-length canon-future fic stories for "Twilight" that explore Bella & Edward's marriage, and their relationships with family, friends and the vampire world at large. She may prefer canon, but anything with a strong and healthy Edward-Bella relationship will easily win her over (smut helps). She's not a wussperv and can handle a surprising amount of heartfail as long as there's a happy resolution at the end. After getting burned by the Sookie Stackhouse stories, she refused to read "Twilight" until she could read the last pages of "Breaking Dawn" and see that Edward and Bella were happy together. You'll usually find her doing beta work for LolaShoes, but lately she's ventured off on some "Hunger Games" fiction as well. Check out her FanFiction profile or writer's blog for more insights into what she's up to. She responds with enthusiasm to Coke, warm chocolate chip cookies, Starbucks and both dry and wet humping. She's often found in the twittersphere chasing BoobooKitty's Tail and getting her ass pinched by Kimpy.


Jess, aka Jessypt, is thrilled to be part of the Pack. She has only recently realized how pervy she really is... so, somehow this seems fitting. She's an avid reader of pretty much anything but is an Edward-Bella, HEA girl to the core. Despite the fact she's a proud member of Team Wussperv, Jess loves angsty fics. Heartclench - bring it. She is an UST junkie; she loves the slow burn, the crackling tension between two characters as they navigate the new and sometimes forbidden aspects of a relationship. Seriously, UST over lemons any day.

Jess loves cooking and baking, is in love with all things cupcakes and buttercream, and is proud to bring you the COCKtails and Other Culinary Delights feature. She also has a soft spot for pretty lingerie, especially things that are pretty, pink or black, and feminine.


Jennifer, aka mycrookedsmile, fell down the twific rabbit hole about a year and a half ago.
The same friend who first hooked her on the saga sent her a link to an Isle Esme fic, and
she hasn’t stopped reading since then.

Although she thought she was going to be sick the first time she read a Jasper/Bella fic,
Jennifer eventually discovered the joy of non-canon pairings. She’ll give pretty much any
pairing a try and is enjoying letting her inner twelve year old boy get his perv on. She loves
boy on boy loving, Leah/Edward, vamp/wolf, and pretty much any combination that's possible
in the twiverse.



Emmy (aka Pippapear on ffnet & ememmyem on twitter) is the token Brit of the Perv Pack - she has been perving in the Twi & HP's fandom's for a few years now. THE sappiest pussy of the bunch, Emmy co-coined WussPerv© and is a WussPerv©through and through (except for Slash - double standards ftw). Emmy is still looking for her own Happy-Ever-After.

Busty and Curly-Wurly Emmy can be found reading slutty, fluffy ff; snogging or shagging; drinking champagne or cocktails; shopping for lingerie; finding new hot foreign boys for your perving pleasure; dancing to eclectic filthy beats and cheering on her favourite authors and fellow pervs past and present. She's a lover not a writer. Tell her if she should be reading your fic (happy-endings only!).


Kimpy (AKA the Naughty Nurse) is the granny of the pack. Above all else, she values promoting healthy sexuality, which means owning that we are, by nature, sexual beings, and we should all enjoy sex as much as is humanly possible. She's an equal opportunity h00r, loving slash, poly, BDSM, and plain old vanilla sex, as long as it is consensual, legal, and safe. While she does enjoy reading a variety of stories, her kryptonite will always be Edward, in just about any way, shape or form, and wants him paired with Bella, unless he happens to be gay. When that happens, the sky's the limit. She also prefers canon pairings in hetero fics, and she is 99.9% a vampiregirl (until Alex Meraz shows up--he's the 0.1%. RAWR). The one thing she must have in any story? HEA, bb--she's a proud member of Team WussPerv. She can handle just about any amount of angst if she knows it will end well. You can frequently find her in a corner, rocking back and forth, chanting "HEA, HEA, HEA," especially after she betas one of Einfach_mich's chapters. She absolutely loves to write, and you can find her nonsense on her FF.net page.

Booboo Kitty (aka Miss Kitty) loves all things sparkly and pink! She’s a serial hugger that’s sunshine and rainbows, loves LOL cat speak and all things HEA. You can generally find her trolling around Twitter snubbling with The Mouse, drooling on Kimpy and motor boating Jeanne’s lovely boobs. She’s been in the fandom since Jan ’09 and loves to write fluffy smut! VIVA LA SMUT!!!!


Chele (aka Chele681) is a naughty administrath00r who has a passion for fanfic, and an obsession with
smut for the sake of character development. She will read just about
anything and has very few hard limits when it comes to fiction, but is very
picky about what she will recommend to others. She loves reading strong female characters,
and is part of the Twi-Girl Revolution.

It goes without saying that she is a proud member of Team Anything Goes and will be partnering
with Teal to "Go Deep" into some of the naughtier fic trends around so you'll
know all about them and where you can find them.


TFX (AKA Trin/NaughtySparkle) has an all encompassing love (obsession) for everything nerdy and truly believes the world looks better through a pair of horn rim glasses. She is very excited to be part of the pack and can't wait to bring y'all the Talk Nerdy To Me feature. Any story or one shot she has ever written by herself or as part of a group is almost guaranteed to have some geekiness in it. She is a WussPerv through and through. When it comes to fic she is mostly AH E/B and there ALWAYS has to be a HEA! She also loves baking and would cut someone if they tried to use her Kitchenaid stand mixer. Argyle, cardigans and music are just a few of the other things she adores.

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And the "Love for the Unloved" winners are....

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